Being an English Major

I have never been the best at processing seasons of my life. I am naturally a forgetful person, which has become a point of frustration in quite a few relationships. My mind constantly looks ahead, waiting eagerly for the next great excitement, an experience that would surpass anything I had yet seen or been a part of. It is not that I wish I were somewhere else -- that would be my story in high school -- but it is simply that I love change. It is the mystery of what I will learn, who I will meet; the uncertainty of the future fascinates me. However, there is of course a dark side to this mindset. In my constant search for what's next, I fail to remember where I have been, and I am left discontented. That I can learn so much in a single summer and return home feeling unchanged is both a disappointment and a myth. If nothing else, I have learned about the fleeting and misleading nature of feelings.
Coming into my summer at Pine Cove, I had no desire to walk in the Spirit, let alone lead others to do the same. My calling was to shepherd. As someone who felt the weight of condemnation and slavery to sin, leading anyone was the last thing on my mind. Yet, I was reminded of the distinction between desire and obedience.

And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and began to pray, saying, "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Your's be done." - Luke 22:41-42

 In this moment, don't forget that Jesus is God. He is the Christ, with all the power and glory that comes with being the Messiah. Yet in this moment, He does not point to Himself. In fact, there is not a point in Scripture that I can find where Jesus glorifies Himself. He constantly submits Himself to His Father. Jesus, God Himself, walks in obedient submission.
Jesus' agony in the garden of Gethsemane is understandable. He is to drink the cup of God's wrath while giving his life on a cross. Mine is a less than noble fear. I desire to be lazy, to have time to myself without eyes watching me; ultimately, I desire to live out my life as a hermit in a cave so that I have no one relying on me. Then, through the unmistakable grace of God, I was able to discipline myself to obey, to forgo my desire and submit myself to the law of grace. My desire would soon align with my calling, and I could work and serve with joy.
This is the story of my incredible summer, in which I learned lessons that I have been wanting to learn for a long time. Yet, I return home, ready for my new job and new life, but I allow these miracles that have been worked in my life to be distant memories rather than current realities. I am given responsibility in remembering, and it is my job to discipline myself in this. Thus, I resort to writing.
Thank you once again for your support and friendship, I'm thankful for you.

Grace,
Keller Martin